THE ADJUSTMENT BUREAU (2011)

I enjoy watching suspense thrillers.  I enjoy wildly imaginative stories.  I appreciate themes that touch upon the existence of God, angels and the supernatural.  I don't enjoy bulls**t.

Calm down.  Let me explain.

When I watch a movie and it leaves me completely and thoroughly confused, I want to be so completely and thoroughly confused that by the time I figure out that the reason I'm confused is that you completely B.S-ed me, you are so far out of my grasp that I'll just let it go and move on.  (Inception, I'm talking to you.)  When you confuse me, baffle me, lose me but barely make it to the door before I realize that you have completely poured a big bucket of bulls**t into my mind, then that just makes me mad.

Understand that it's hard for me to be so critical of The Adjustment Bureau for the following reasons.

1.  Matt Damon.

2.  It touches upon God and his angels.

3.  There's something in there about love and soul mates.

4.  I really like rain.

5.  It's based on a short story.

David Norris (Damon) is a congressman running for New York Senator.  He's young, handsome, Obama-esque, and guaranteed the election until a picture of his derriere shows up on the front page of a newspaper.  Gone is his future in politics.  He meets ballerina Elise Sellas (Emily Blunt) in a bathroom and they kiss.  Instant love.  But then these men in hats show up and tell him to forget Miss Sellas or else they'll erase his mind and turn him into a nutcase.  With the help of Norris' 'caseworker' who thinks his crew have things wrong, Norris tries to get to the Boss to plead his case.  His caseworker lets Norris in on a few secrets.

    A. The Bureau can't hear people's thoughts through water (one of their secret meetings takes place on a ferry and another in some warehouse on a rainy day).

    B. The Bureau traverses through space by walking through doors that can open into different places,  e.g. one building into another miles away, by turning the doorknobs counterclockwise. 

    C. Wearing hats confuses the Bureau and their trace of subjects. 

At the very end Norris interrupts Miss Sellas' wedding to a former boyfriend, rushes her through many doors, up a very, very, tall building in search of the Boss, only to find that all they had to do was ask.  They want to be together?  Okay.  Why not?  The end.  

Dear Hollywood, 

  My name is Broke Writer.  Please stop wasting money.  I am available for employment.  I am also available to take your money and put it to good use.  Like paying my bills.  In conclusion, next time you want to spend a lot of money to waste our time, don't.

Yours Truly.

The problem with The Adjustment Bureau is not its premise and definitely not its fantastical plot.  The problem is its lack of commitment to its story.  You are telling us a story that is not real, an imaginative story, something like a story for children, but you don't have to treat us like children.  We're grownups.  Give us something to think about at the end, something to justify the time we spent watching your film.

Disclaimer:

I have not read the short story, Adjustment Team.  I will do so however, so I can be even more upset when I realize how much better the film could have been.