DARK SHADOWS (2012)

Ah, yes.  Johnny.  There you are old chap.  Back in the eclectic seat.  No Brit accent this time?

Well I laughed and I probably laughed out louder than the others.  (Nothing to do with earlier libations.)  Dark Shadows was funny.  And crazy.  And odd.  But funny.  Anything that puts McDonalds and Mephistopheles in the same sentence is a good time for this lady.

So what is it about anyway?  It's about a vampire called Barnabas Collins, once heir to a fortune, born in the 18th century, but then cursed into immortality and buried for eons by a scorned, witchy lover (Eva Green).  Accidentally set free from his tomb, Barnabas rises, seeks his home and becomes intent on restoring the Collins name and fishing business to its former glory.  Unfortunately, his bloodline has trickled down to two lifeless, cynical siblings (Michelle Pfeifer/Johnny Lee Miller), and their respective daughter and son.  Some alcoholic doctor (Helena Bonham Carter) lives with them, hired to help the son deal with the loss of his mother.  An au pair hired in addition, seems Barnabas' dead wife incarnate.  They fall in love.  Witchy lover, still very much alive and thriving and pining for Barnabas, plays nemesis.  Love and karma prevail.  Immortal love is found, albeit morbidly.  It all happens in the 1970s.

Groovy.

Another John Christopher Depp and Tim Burton collaboration that is another predictable success.  Boo.  Look,  I like the film.  Yes I enjoyed it.  It's entertaining.  It's not the film.  The film adequately delivers.  I'm probably just expecting more from Johnny Depp, and maybe, dare I say it, something new from Tim Burton?

I'm the first person to vote for the weird.  I could possibly be the very, very, very last synonym in your thesaurus.  Eclecticism?  Sign me up.  Wrap three scarves around my neck, pop the silver teeth into my mouth, put me in a chic Bhikku and braid peacock feathers into my hair.  HOWEVER, I'm also the first person to vote for change.  Too much of the ying gives me a pang.  Say whaaat?  (See?  Weird.)

Dear Mr. Depp,

  I can't believe I haven't written you yet.  So maybe recent straight characters haven't done well for you.  The Tourist?  Atrocious!  But as much as I love you with the accents and the costumes I'd like to see you without them.  I'd like to see what you could do with a haircut and a shower.  I can be harsh because I loved.  And tell Tim he's my inspiration, one of my three director crushes and if I worked with him on anything in my lifetime it would be an honour but tell him we might like to see different actors?  Different muses?  Maybe something without you or his wife?

Yours, Possibly?

The verdict goes like this:  Good acting.  Smart script.  Funny.  Fun.  Decent way to spend your money.  Sure, see Dark Shadows.  You'll laugh.  After all Johnny knows how to make us do that doesn't he?  Am I right ladies?  And by laugh I mean...

I'm just kidding.